If you’re on Twitter, I’m sure you’ve either seen or taken part of the conversation of “Niggas aint shit”, I know for a fact I’ve been an avid contributor to the dialogue. Giving the increase in the frequency of this topic, I think it’s time to have an adult conversation about it. I recall seeing a video a few years ago which was interesting to me at the time but happens to be much more relevant to me now that the concept of sex, marriage, and their correlation, or lack thereof are more prevalent. Watch the video below!
To begin, I want to discuss the concept of sex vs. marriage. I think prior to our generation (millennial’s), or even our parents’ generation, it was assumed that if you’re having sex you are married. Unfortunately that isn’t the case for us anymore; in fact, having sex and thinking about marriage have become two completely separate things. How does this tie into the “Niggas Ain’t Shit” conversation?
Well statistics show that there are more men looking for sex than marriage and more women looking for marriage than sex. Men tend to “look for fun” while women claim to not be “interested in games”. This is already sounds like a formula for disaster given that fun=games yet sex =/= marriage.
Now there is a divide between those who simply want sex and those who want sex but are still looking for serious relationships and marriage, and as the video states, this split market poses a problem for women. Although women tend to call the shots for short term sexual relationships and are therefore more selective in that process, men get to the call the shots and are more selective during the marriage initiation process. Men tend to be picky and insist on extensive sexual experiences before committing.
The reason while women often feel cheated in their relationships and/or situationsips with men is because men are able to maximize their rewards while investing fewer resources, or in layman’s terms, men can get what they want from women (sex), without having to date, spend time/money, or marry. From a business prospective, men seem to be the most profitable. Women on the other hand are finding L’s after L’s on their income statements because they are putting so much into relationships such as time, money, their bodies, and in extreme cases, their souls, yet end up with nothing but a story to tell.
In our parents’ time and far before, it may seem that less people had sex and more people were getting married, and I think it is because women had an unspoken pact to set a high market value on sex. As of now, that pact no longer exists. So what can we do to start turning this around?
Firstly, we must realize and understand that men tend to behave as well or as poorly as the women in their life permit. If you allow a man to only contact you for sex, he will only contact you for sex. If you let a man text you for 3 months without initiating a date, you will never go on a date. If you require a man to put a ring on your finger before sex even becomes a topic of discussion, you might be single for a while, but sis that ring will come!
Secondly, I think that as women, we need to shift the blame of niggas not being sh*t from niggas and take a quick look at our own faults.
Before I go into this next section, I want you to understand that I in no way support the sale of a woman’s body for monetary benefit. This conversation is based on the idea of sex and relationships, not sex and money.
Lastly, women must stop seeing each other as competition but as business partners. Collusion is defined as secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy, especially in order to cheat or deceive others. It seems a bit harsh, but women must collude/work together in order to increase the market the value and price of sex. Granted, I acknowledge the fact that we live in the age of sexual liberation, but we can’t have our cake and eat it too.
Think of market value as the price a seller (you) thinks their good (sex) can be sold at (given to a man). Think of market price as the price a consumer (a man) is willing to pay for your good (sex). Here, you should think of price as what the man is willing to do, such as take you on dates, spend time with you, marriage, etc. The problem here is that women tend to undervalue themselves, which inadvertently decreases the price men are willing to pay. The equilibrium principle of economics states that prices adjust until the amount that people demand of something is equal to the amount that is supplied. At this point, you have a market price equilibrium, where there is enough supply of the good for the people willing to pay the equilibrium price (whatever that may be given your situation) to purchase that good. As price decreases (1 night stands), the amount of consumers willing to purchase a good increase. An increase in price, say you require marriage before sex, will decrease the amount of guys interested in purchasing the good (pursuing you just for sex). While this may seem counterproductive, once the good is sold, you make a higher profit than if you were to decrease your price (let’s say 3 dates till sex). If women demanded a higher market price, “we’d see more impressive wooing efforts, greater male investments, longer relationships, and more marriage”. As the old saying says, quality is better than quantity. So if multiple relationships is what you seek, do you boo. But if 1 long lasting and meaningful relationship is what you’re looking for, it’s time to inflate your pricing. Also knowing what you want and being able to communicate that is a power we seldom use; when you find someone you’re interested in, tell them exactly what you’re looking for to avoid misunderstandings later in the relationship.
Sex is only one part of many that makeup a relationship, so please don’t think waiting till the return of Christ to have sex will make a man wife you, cause it won’t. But take some time to figure out what it is that you want and what option is best for you to get it. At the end of the day, each woman is seeking different things and is more than able to do whatever she wants with her body. But moral of the story is if you’re looking for a serious relationship, marriage, etc. don’t be cheap, cause cheap doesn’t last.
Yes, Niggas truly are not shit. But are we to blame? Comment below!
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